he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
