Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
