I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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