i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
