So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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