I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
