FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Boobs are out for the taking
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sex in the backyard? Check.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
