I wish i was in the wii world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
