I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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