cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
