it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
