one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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