what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
