I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
