Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
