true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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