ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
zippers are such a cool invention
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
