The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
