yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
