What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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