well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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