My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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