Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
