I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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