I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
