I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
