I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
