I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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