To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So squirting runs in the family.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
