It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
