I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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