Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so let's talk penis.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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