We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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