how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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