I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
