she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
