I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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