your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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