I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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