My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.