Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
