it wasn't lemon gatorade
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM