the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life