god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
