The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas