i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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