chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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