Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
