bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
