She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
