As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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