I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
