ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
