just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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