Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
