Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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