my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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