I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
