she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
