Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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