Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
