I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
