Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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