I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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