Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
