dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
