Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
