Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
