Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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