So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
