wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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