I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
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I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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