It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
