I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
