I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
