A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the day after is always just damage control
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
