Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
