I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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