My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
