I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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